dear fellow Mum, it's okay not to be okay

Becoming a Mum is such a lonely time, you're part of this brand new 'club' but you feel like you're the only one who's struggling.

It's no wonder, then, that 1 in 5 Mums develop a mental health problem while pregnant or in the first year after having their baby.

I was diagnosed with post-natal depression myself in 2017, but not until my eldest son Harry was 18 months old.

The signs had been missed when he was younger because I, wrongly, believed that what I felt was normal and that I just needed to push on.

What I would have given for someone going through the same thing to put their arm around me and say, 'Amy, it's okay if you need help.'

So when I came across the Letters of Light project from the Every Mum Movement, I immediately knew that I needed to take part.

Founder Olivia is on a mission to collect letters from Mums whose mental health has suffered since giving birth to pass them on to others who experiencing the same thing right now.

Below is the letter I am sending in, to hopefully help another woman in her hour of need and make sure she doesn't feel as isolated as I did...

Dear fellow Mum,

When I first found out I was pregnant, my biggest fear was that I would become a completely different person and lose who I used to be.

But nothing and no-one could prepare me for just how different my life and personality would become once my eldest son, Harry, arrived.

As each day passed, I felt the ‘old me’ slipping further and further away, and I found this new life very difficult to adjust to.

I would wake up feeling so tired from the night before, when he would have slept for a maximum of three hours, feeling like I was facing an uphill battle to get through the day ahead.

The tiredness combined with the feelings of not being good enough, failing as a Mum and never knowing if I was getting this motherhood thing right.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

Slowly but surely, though, the days did get better – and I wanted to reassure you that they will for you too. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

We battled through those early months and, after seeking counselling and popping Harry in nursery three days a week, I’ve begun to feel I’m coming out the other side.

As each milestone passed (6 months old, weaning, first birthday, walking, first time he kicked a football, first time he talked), I started to realise: ‘I’ve got this.’

When Harry was two years-old we decided to try for a second child, and I have since given birth to another beautiful boy, named James. 

I’ve come to accept, and even like, the ‘new me’.

The Mum version of me has dark circles under her eyes, many grey hairs and is constantly worried about jobs that need doing around the house, or for the boys.

But she’s also more organised, better at planning and has proven she’s capable of keeping two tiny human beings alive.

She has an incredible relationship with both her children – Harry is a Mummy’s boy and my favourite person in the world, while James spends at least 80% of the time smiling!

She’s brave, strong and resilient. She can survive whatever is thrown at her and navigate through any challenge that is sent her way.

Even that time the toddler pooed in the bath – ew!

She still struggles from time to time, but she has learnt to recognise the triggers for anxiety and depression and knows the importance of reaching out for help.

And the reason I’m telling you this, is that I know you are too.

You are a better Mum than you’ll ever believe, you too are brave and strong.

Most importantly, you are not alone.

Hang in there.

Lots of love,

Amy

A Mum who cares.

If you’d like to be get involved too, you can contact Olivia by emailing 
hello@everymummovement.com and putting “Letter of Light” in the subject to receive an info pack.